Anxiety Ridden Chinese

The Chinese are the most anxious people I know.

Why?

I hypothesize that it results from combining the worsts of capitalism and communism, with historical ties. Currently, China's economy is capitalist with no safety nets. Its politics are communist with no other parties or elections allowed. Chinese experience the "capitalist anxiety" where they focus on wealth accumulation and live in fear of anything that could wrong, taking wealth away. They also experience the "communist anxiety", always wondering if what they have accumulated will be nationalized.

The "communist anxiety" is a remnant from the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976) where landlords were overthrown and all the country's land were collectivized. That Revolution morphed into State control of everything, where one's life was not her own choosing. For example, nearly everyone with a high school degree were sent to countrysides to be 'reeducated and reformed'. Merit-based education was banned throughout the country, taken over by propaganda-based education. In the countryside, it was illegal to raise your own chickens because they were not collective property. In 2009's market economy, where everything (economically, not politically) is to your own choosing, there is no wonder that people are so anxious to safeguard possessions against anything that might happen.

Here, my Marxist friend counters that it's not anxiety I'm describing, but materialism. People can choose non-materialistic pursuits. Yes, but choosing a path that is not the one that everyone else is doing requires critical thinking: the exact thing oppressed in schools and society. Seeing their hold on power cannot be sustained from isolation like North Korea's, the Chinese communist government opened its doors to capitalism in order to draw people's attention to material gains rather than rights and freedoms. With people focused on getting Mercedes, they have no interest in participating in social movements. Hence while it is possible to critically examine one's life in spite of hegemony, it is very, very hard.

On top of these historical, economic, political, social conditions, add in a long-standing culture valuing achievement and work ethic, and the Chinese become the most anxious peoples.

There is a deep psychological price to be paid in being the 'Economic Miracle' and 'Model Minority'.

The Nowhere (wo)man

Before Jane points out (rightly so) the bad attitude of the last post and how feeling at home is a choice rather than a pie that drops from the sky, I'm going to re-adjust that attitude myself after having vented.

I had a chance to catch up with my development/activist friends who have returned from similar year-stays/soul-searchings in Latin America, Asia, Africa. The consensus is that it'd take them a lifetime to assimilate into another culture: precondition for enacting change, and there is so much to done in the States. Hence they are going back to their most familiar, childhood communities to make change there. I agree. But I have no such moral sphere of influence. My childhood was spent in a half dozen communities: communist in Beijing, capitalist in Hong Kong, Muslim in Singapore, intellectual in Pennsylvania, WASP in Ohio... I felt no more tied to one than I did another. I have to now seek/make my own community not because that is the most effective way towards change, but because I now want to.

Pico Iyer described himself as "The Nowhere Man": an Indian who lived in America and attended boarding school in England. He savors being an Indian in Cuba, an American in Thailand, an Englishman in New York. I too feel a stronger bond to humanity than I do my countrymen, ethnic group, class because those distinctions aren't so clear for me. I am as pained by Cambodia's suffering as I am by those of middle America.

This may sound like the answer to world peace. But being in the minority, it too makes us disconnected from most of humanity. We become "Seasoned experts at dispassion, we are less good at involvement. We are masters of the aerial perspective, but touching down becomes more difficult. Unable to get stirred by the raising of a flag, we are sometimes unable to see how anyone could be stirred... Being part of no society means one is accountable to no one. If single nation people can be fanatical as terrorists, we can end up ineffectual as peace keepers."
(http://www.prospect-magazine.co.uk/article_details.php?id=4639)

That was the Pico in 1997. I heard recently he has found a home in Kyoto. This from a man who 12 years ago considered English to be his only home. (http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/07/the-joy-of-less/?scp=2&sq=pico%20iyer&st=cse)

The me from one year ago is also different. I too want a physical community now, but it'll be a more difficult, limitless, stressful, and exciting search than most.

Not at Home

Grove City, Ohio: the town I spent the most continuous amount of time. I disdain it.

I went to 5 elementary schools in 3 countries and 3 languages, 4 middle schools in 2 states, 1 high school in Ohio, 1 university that was much more an intellectual than a physical home. Then there was the year in Latin America, New York, Asia...

The one Christian, suburbia HS may have been the most jarring experience.

In daily Bible classes where we categorized entire books and learned how to save people from damnation, students ask:

"Mrs. Jones, Bill asked me how I know God exists. It's not like we can see God."

"Good question Sam. Pay attention class. This is a question that nonbelievers will ask you.

(How is it that we are just now talking about this Q in 9th grade?!)
You ask Bill whether he can see the wind. No, but he feels its power. It's the same as God. You feel His effects."

(Why didn't we think of this before! Let's put up a God mill so we can measure His effects!)

"Today we are going to learn how to explain that the Father, Son, Holy Spirit are One. It's best to use examples when trying to explain complicated concepts (Ok, with you so far Mrs. J). You can compare it to an egg; the shell, white, yolk are separate entities, but together they make One egg. The Trinity exists as One. "

(Hmmm...What about egg white omelets?)

"We have to spend millions to build a bigger church with an McPlace playground, food court, salon, bookstore, latest surround sound system because we are attracting people to Jesus. For people to give Christianity a chance, they need to know Christians have fun!"

(Yeah, I say fuck the Poor too.)

I went through HS thinking I was the one who was crazy. Partly because I couldn't voice these thoughts as my family had to sign a contract that we would not interfere with the school's religious teachings. But I did learn a lot of religious things, such as the difference between Christians and Catholics. My Catholic MS and Christian HS education taught me that Catholic kids compete on how anti-establishment they are:
How many girls did you lay?
How much did you sniff?
Very Mean Girls style: How manipulative can you be to the new kid?

And Christian kids compete on how pro-establishment they are:
"I went to a church event everyday this week. Did you?"
"My parents and I have been at church everyday for the past month rehearsing for the Easter play."
"I'm a pastor's kid. We live at the church!"
"Charlene, did you make it to church last week?"
4 years at a Christian school and I never once went to a service. Being judged Monday through Friday, I needed a break on Sundays.

I support Christianity now actually. It means well: to prevent conflict. But it's as Gandhi said: "I might have become a Christian if it were not for the Christians."

Back in suburbia (where they sent their kids to war and elected Bush two terms), I realized I promised myself all those years ago that this will never be my home regardless (or because of) how well I know it. I will fly transatlantic, learn a new language, adopt a new culture before I settle on the familiar in Grove City, Ohio.

How Does Chinese Work

Many have been asking me how exactly does Chinese work? Laura's explanation is the best I've seen. Be prepared to be blown away. http://eastversusmidwest.blogspot.com/2008/07/exactly-how-does-chinese-work.html

Ok, now you see how Chinese is the opposite of the romance languages, linguistically. I want to add a bit about how it is also different in spirit. English is a language of precision. We have a noun for everything! Chinese has few nouns and lots of adjectives to construct new words. In Chinese, pumpkin=south melon, watermelon=west melon, gourd=winter melon, cucumber=yellow melon...

In turn, Chinese is a language grounded in poetry. In daily conversation, people refer to poetry and literary works thousands of years old. English's precision helps us understand what the other is talking about: biscuit v cookie, bungalow v house. Chinese's wide use of references and colorful adjectives help other Chinese know exactly what the other is saying.

Day to Day in Rural China

A lighter post from when I lived in Tibetan China: a list of things I did in no particular order.

I cook. You laugh, but I like simple things.

I eat with my Tibetan Buddhist, Hui Muslim, Han Atheist friends (separately of course).

I walk the streets and parks watching families, grandmothers, roast-yam sellers.

I watch grandfathers concentrate on chess, majiang, card games.

I watch the same movies (I recommend Kunfu Panda).

I sleep without an alarm.

I realize I'm from the West.

I realize I'm from the East.

I read philosophy (in English), the news (in Spanish), essays (in Chinese), and sometimes textbooks (in math). The wonders and frustrations of languages.

I connect with family, with friends old and new, or just a friendly face.

I learn to fight.

I learn to let go when fighting is useless.

I teach.

And I do all these things without looking at the clock.

信仰

信仰，信仰

是先信再养还是先养再信呢？

何苦呢

理发师想方设法动员我染发，这样他能收我200而不是20。

“你的头发好黄啊。你应该把它染黑，这样能显得你的皮肤更白。”

可在我住的地方，人们把头发染黄去显得他们的皮肤更黑。

一样难理解的事：我的白肤色朋友花很多精力和钱把他们的皮肤晒黑，那紫外线还可以致癌。
我的深肤色朋友也花很多时间和金钱把他们的皮肤花白，那些化妆品也可能致癌。

这是何苦呢。

The Tibet Question

Having spent my year in Tibetan China, many have asked my thoughts on the Tibet issue. I usually dodge so precarious a question as whoever asks (Chinese or Western) usually has strong opinions either way, ones that will not hear fresh views in one conversation. Here, I attempt to articulate views that are entirely my own. I hope to convey some of its complexity and always remain open to new perspectives.

The most popular question: Do I think Tibet should be free?

China will never let allow Tibet independence because it will set the precedent for subsequent successions in the minority west that can lead to 40% land loss. China poised as the emerging powerhouse, will not allow itself to be broken up like the Soviet Union was in its decline. China has 56 minorities that it has fought to conquer and to assimilate over 5,000 years. Historical, cultural, religious differences between Tibetans and Hans will continue to be squashed through the pursuit of a harmonious society via homogeneity.

The question should be: How can Tibetans be treated equally, with respect by their Han Chinese government(CG)?

The answer does not lie in “Free Tibet” campaigns. The more the West portrays Tibet as a victim, the more the Chinese government feels the West (US especially) is trying to break up China as a potential super-power rival. This leads to more state oppression and propaganda. Oppression keeps taking away liberties from Tibetans. Propaganda tells Hans how ungrateful these vile Tibetans are where they are rioting and killing Hans when CG has poured in billions of development aid/Han tax dollars to Tibet. Ill-will between Hans and Tibetans multiply, giving CG more ammunition in enacting oppressive policies. CG feels no pressure from Western campaigns (evidenced by its human rights record), especially when it has national support. These campaigns (initiated by exiles in Nepal and India and financed by EU and US) rile those Tibetans already prone to 3/14 acts where Tibetans set Han shops on fire and Han police fire on Tibetans. Post 3/14 led to worse relations between the Dalai Lama and CG, no Tibetans granted passports, greater military presence across 4 Tibetan provinces, Tibetans losing any sympathy they previously had from Hans because they shamed China pre-Olympics. These campaigns do nothing to help Tibetans living in China.

The answer lies in less, not more hostilities between CG and Tibetan government in exile. Yes, the Dalai Lama(DL) cannot be more a peacemaker, but no matter how saintly DL is as a person, the position of DL is not one that CG will accept. The communist party is religiously non-religious. Anything that threatens the Party=god mentality is immediately squashed. Hence the go-to Tibetan representative cannot be a lama and should reside in China. CG also needs a Tibetan sympathizer who will speak genuinely with the Tibetan representative: non-religious, non-independence, non-discriminatory. CG needs to realize how its demonization of DL and immediate denunciation of Tibetan identities only strengthen Tibetan wishes for independence. Both sides need to give in, and this is best achieved through talks between two appointed representatives. The authoritarian Chinese system allows only ‘heroes shape society’, not ‘society shapes heroes’.

I am too aware that the latter solution asks for much ideological and cultural sacrifice from Tibetans. I have seen Tibetans escorted out of malls, harassed by police, looked down upon by shopkeepers. I have witnessed the same massive aid in-flows NOT benefit Tibetans as they do not the Mayans, Quechuas, Africans…then they are blamed for being stupid and lazy. One very educated Han told me: “Scientifically speaking, less oxygen exists above 3,000m, so Tibetans’ brains do not develop to the same capacity as us.”

I cry at the discrimination. But a Civil Rights Movement cannot exist in authoritarian China. Protests end in bloodshed and further oppression as they did in 6/4, 3/14, and many other failed movements.

To really have Tibetan people’s welfare and not one’s own ideology at heart, the T question is not: Should it be free? But, How can Tibetans have a voice in China?

3/14/08 (Lhasa protests) reference: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7941466.stm

6/4/89 (Tiananmen Sq protest) reference: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8057148.stm